AJRMAN
Sad
Well I've been going to the gym now, for couple of months. I'm now down to 155lbs. I actually look okay. I just want to work on my arms and chest now. I'm just Mister Gym guy now. But with all this I'm still sad. David hasn't called me for almost three weeks. I haven't called him either. We have been friends for over 10 years. This is a sad day.
The Manager I work with died the a few days ago. He had liver damage. This puts some perspective on your life. What those perspectives are, I don't know. But there should be some, right? I think my heart is frigid. I can't imagine myself having a long term relationship. I can imagine the sex, but not the other stuff. I'm a cold and dead person inside. I don't have the capabilities to love or be loved. Am I a great catch or what?
It's already December, and soon it will be Christmas. I again won't see my family and again spend another holiday alone. I feel like having Jack In The Box. Fuck it, I'm going to go get a fucking hamburger. I deserve it don't I? Of course I do. Screw this diet. Although I did just buy that pair of pants. What the hell, I'll do and extra half hour on the stairmaster tomorrow.