AJRMAN
A magical night at the mountain
Today I called Javier. It's December 26th, and I didn't want to spend another New Years Eve alone. I made plans to meet him at the Apache tonight. It's the same place where I had that eventful date with Peter. That fucking asshole. It still pisses me off that he blew me off because I smoke. That evil Bastard.
I'm again a little sad today. David still hasn't called me since that stupid party. It's been over a month. I of course can call him, but now it's too weird. We have never stopped talking for this amount of time before. So if I called him now, I would have to confront the problem. We all know about me and problems. I just run, run away.
I keep thinking back to when we told each other we were gay. Well, he didn't actually tell me. We went to Magic Mountain one week, and stayed the night at a cheap motel. We got drunk on wine and tequila. We planned to go again the following day, because we had a Twicket.
While we stayed there, David kept writing in this journal. In the morning while he took a shower I read it. I know, I'm an asshole. But if I never did that, we would of never come to where we are now. Which is him, not speaking to me. Hmmmm. Maybe reading his journal was a mistake.
In his journal, he confessed his love for an older man. This nearly floored me. I became shaky all over, and very scared. This is what I was waiting for. I was hoping that David was gay, because now there would be someone like me. But now that it was here on paper, it became all too real.
We went back to Magic Mountain, stayed for a bit and then left. The drive home to San Diego was torturous. I wanted to tell him I was gay too. But doing that, I would have to admit to reading his journal. Plus at this stage in our relationship, David was still weird to me. I imagined upon my telling him I read his secret, he would then swerve the car, crash it, and kill us both.
On the way home, we listened to Erasure, Abba, and Jimmy Sommerville. Was there any doubt we were gay? Anyway, with this music playing, it gave me the strength to blurt it out.
" I read your journal" I said quickly, almost flinching. David stared out onto the road, not saying a word. I waited and prepared for him to try to kill us. He finally broke the silence.
" How much did you read?"
" Just the last few pages" My throat was very dry.
He never got very upset, or tried to kill us. Which relieved me. I asked him questions, but I still danced around my coming out to him, and he never brought it up either. We talked for the next hour. Finally I blurted what I always wanted to say, in a way, that is.
" I'm in the same boat as you " This brought so much relief for me. But it didn't last because David didn't understand me.
" What do you mean?" he said. God Damn, don't make me repeat it!!!
" I'm in the same boat as you " I forced out again.
" I don't understand " I never said David was smart. That may be why God blessed him with good looks. I shut my eyes and screamed,
" I'm gay!! You're gay!! Same boat!!! Get it?!" sheesh, make me spell it out why don't ya.
" Really? I always thought you were but wasn't sure. But maybe if you brought a journal, I could've read it, and discovered your little secret." I got his point. Why should he have made it easy for me to come out to him, when I basically raped him. So to speak. Maybe David wasn't so dumb after all.
The next hour we talked some more and I asked him more questions. I remember feeling my life was just starting at that point. The world seemed so open, and full of......everything. We eventually came to our exit on the highway, but passed it to go to a coffee shop and talk some more. These were good times for me. Connecting with someone. But now it seems to be over. This is very scary for me. I'll think about this later, I got to start prepping for my date.