AJRMAN
No Fucking Way
" He fucked you?" Teresa never held back.
"Shhh" I said nervously glancing around us " The correct term is made love to."
"No fucking way! Did it hurt?"
"A little bit, but I was drunk, so it kinda relaxed me."
"On the patio of your restaurant? You are such a slut."
" It was my first time, give me a break."
"I will never let Richard do that to me, ever" Richard is her husband.
"Well it's not that bad. But God didn't give me a vagina. Or did he?" I held my forefinger to my lips. This always made Teresa laugh. We met again for our usual Lunch date. El Toritos in Valencia. I didn't tell her about David and I. I was a bit embarrassed. I was sort of friendless in Los Angeles. Plus I didn't want her to start inviting me to her straight gatherings.
I told her everything about Javier, and I do mean everything. It's always fun to have a Fag Hag. But Teresa did what no other Fag Hag has done. She found herself a man, and got married. She never had that unrequited love that so many hags do. She never thought of me as more than a friend. Thinking back on that, it's kinda depressing. What the hell was wrong with me? Why wasn't she attracted to me?
What can I tell you about Teresa? She's thirty years old. She teaches the 4th grade. She looks like Sandra Bullock, and she has a mouth like a truck driver. Since David is gone, she has officially moved up to "Best Friend" status. Whether she likes it or not.
" You know " she said, dipping her chip in the salsa " I always knew you'd be a bottom"
" Shut up. Bitch" this response caused her to semi-choke on her chip.
" No seriously. You're more the romantic type."
" Javier's romantic, and he's not a bottom"
" Okay, you're more sensitive"
" That's just stupid " It was my turn to dip my chip in the salsa.
" Okay, how about this, you're just a flaming faggot" This time I choked on my chip, while she laughed. But her joke nearly killed me, because the chip wouldn't dislodge. My eyes teared up and I couldn't breathe. I'm sure my face too became blue. Finally Teresa came behind me and slapped my back really hard. The chip became loose and I swallowed it. For a girl, she hit's pretty damn hard.
" Damn Teresa, that fucking hurt!"
" I'm sorry" she said holding back laughter. " Geez, you'd think with your ability to suck cock. That chip should of went down easier" this too almost made me die, from embarrassment.
" Oh before I forget " she grabbed my hand " I need a terrific favor from you "
" What" I said very suspiciously.
" I need you to speak to my class, in two weeks. It's career day. I need you to give a speech about your job."
" But I hate my job"
" I know. I'm thinking this will be a good lesson for them. To have them see what could happen, if they don't go to college." Did I mention Teresa could be mean? Sadly, she wasn't joking either.
We finished our lunch and went our separate ways. On the drive home to Sherman Oaks, I started to think maybe I shouldn't have agreed to speak to her class. Ahh, I shouldn't worry. Their eight years old. Harmless little kids. Then why am I so nervous? Do you ever get so nervous that you feel like you have diaherra? No? Uh, me neither.