AJRMAN
David
David, David, David. What the fuck it going on? Almost two months and no phone call. I wish I could tell him about Javier. But I can't. I could. I could easily call him. But I can't, I just can't. Something is holding me back. I think it's the fact that he doesn't need me like he used to. I would hate to find out that, that was the reason.
We have been steadily drifting apart for months. I like single David compared to not single David. But David was never single for long. I miss the days of talking, asking stupid "What if" questions, and depressing talk of being single. I miss nights at the beach with our hot chocolates watching the waves come in. I miss hiking along the beach, climbing cliffs and getting stuck in someone's cliff top, ocean view, backyard. Mud on our jeans and shoes, sharing the last cigarette while we walk the miles back to our starting point. I miss climbing walls, and having a security guard tell us to get down. I miss playing video games as a team. I guess that's what I truly miss. Being part of a team.
There was a time when someone saw either of us, they would ask how the other was doing. They would mistakenly call us by each others names. Although at the time it was irritating, now I see those as warm fuzzy memories.
David and I have been through many "Fights" in our friendship. Mostly stemming from my not understanding what it means to be in a relationship. Poor David, having his arms pulled at both ends. He really tried to accommodate me. We even had a special day. When it was just He and I. As I'm thinking these thoughts I'm realizing, maybe I shouldn't call him. Let him lead his life without having to worry about me. I am a bit over dramatic. I'm sure you could of figured that out.
I remember shortly after we came out to each other, I was excited about this new life I entered. I had all these plans. Go to clubs. Go to bars. Meet guys, guys, guys. But our first venture into Queerville resulted in David scoring a boyfriend. We went to a restaurant on University avenue in San Diego. Very gay place, which served Jewish food. Our waiter was named Lance. Lance was a bit taller than me, stocky build, goatee ( of course ), and looked like Keifer Sutherland. He took our order and was very funny and very nice. David was immediately hooked.
Near the end of our meal, I dared David to leave him a note with his number. David didn't have the nerve. So I thought. He confidently asked Lance for a pen, and wrote " You're a funny guy. If you'd like to go out sometime, give me a call" and left his number. We both left giggling like school girls. How exciting this was. I could just imagine how my experiences would be. Naughty thoughts, naughty thoughts.
Days went by, with no phone call. David was a bit crushed. So was I. I wanted him to jump in the pool first and tell me how it was, before I went in. The next day however, Sir Lancelot called. They quickly became "us" and "we". Going everywhere together. I was left hanging on the edge, trying to stay on.
I was happy for David. I asked so many more questions, concerning sex of course. I was innocent back then. Two weeks of wedded bliss had gone by. David was going to turn twenty one in another week. David's mother had planned a suprise party for him. I love David's Mom. She's the typical Italian Mother. Always expecting hugs, and always trying to feed you. David was the only child, so she spoiled him rotten. Rotten, I tell ya!. Anyway, the job bestowed upon me for this suprise party was to take David out and find an excuse to bring him home. Waiting there would be his friends and coworkers at the restaurant we both worked at. Things didn't go as planned.
" I'm going to the Gas Lamp Quarter for my twenty first birthday" David began, speaking to Lance.
" So if you want to go...?" I couldn't believe he was asking Lance to go with us. I had told David the gang was taking him out to celebrate. But that was a lie. It was the plan to get him out of the house. We had told him everyone was going to meet at a certain bar. But the true plan was, I was going to drive us around, fake a dilemma, and take his ass back home. Lance could not come with us. Not that I didn't like him, but he was a bit......on fire. If you know what I mean. Our friends and David's Mom didn't know we we're gay. This wouldn't be good.
" Yeah, sure. I'll go. " Lance leaned in a gave David a kiss. Start thinking. Start thinking. What do I do now?
Two days before the event, I called Lance at his restaurant. I told him about the party, and who would be there. He didn't get my hint, and so I made other plans. David obviously didn't mind Lance's flamboyant behavior. So why should I care? So this was the plan. I take David out using my car. While driving I tell him I left the iron on and have to go home. While at my house, I tell David I don't think my car will make it to San Diego ( I drove a piece of shit at the time, come to think of it, nothing has changed. I still drive a piece of shit car.) I then drive to his house tell him I have to go pee, in an English accent of course, which sounds like "pay".
" Pay? Pay for what?" David would say, we had a routine.
" No, I have to pee. ( still sounding like "pay")"
" Like I said ' Pay for what?' " this would usually end with us laughing. Not funny to you maybe, but hours of fun for us. Well, maybe not hours, but a good three minutes. He would let me in, and this is when everyone yells "Suprise!!!". This is pretty much how it went. Now, I excuse myself, telling David I have a "Special" gift for him. I make the journey to San Diego and pick up Lance. I take Lance back to David's house and all is well with the world.
When David saw Lance his face dropped for a second and quickly turned into a smile. Hugs were exchanged to the curiosity of our coworkers. Later is when the questions would be asked.
" Is Lance gay? Is David gay?" I answered "Not that I know of" to these questions. But I should of known. They all knew we were friends. Maybe I was afraid to be "outed", I don't know. This was the topic of the whole party. Later as the party was ending and people were leaving, I heard arguing in the backyard. It seems Natalie, drunken white trash Natalie used this occasion to tell David of her love for him. We all knew she had a crush on him. Hearing the commotion, the group of us slowly drifted back inside toward the action. We all stayed in one spot pretending not to see what was happening, but not able to keep our eyes off of it. Natalie stood there, in her tacky orange colored jacket, holding a beer. David stood in front of her with Lance behind him. I could see David's mother trying to distract herself with cleaning the backyard birthday trash. But she too could not keep her eyes off of it.
" I love you David " Natalie said slurring her words " and you bring this faggot here? What the fuck is that?
" Calm down " David looked to Lance with an apology in his eyes.
" Don't fucking tell me what to do. I loved you. Everyone thinks you're gay, but I defended you. No wonder you're queer, look who you hang out with." At this point, everyone's gaze fell upon me. I didn't make eye contact with any of them, for doing so would admit to myself that Natalie was talking about me. Me being the person he "hangs out with".
" Shut up Natalie " David was still calm throughout this. He started to walk back into the house from the yard, with Lance following him. She didn't stop talking though.
" How fucking embarrassing for your Mom. Having a faggot for a son " David stopped. Looked at his Mother. I could see the tears well up in his eyes, not from anger at Natalie, but from the expected disappointment from his Mom. He walked in, cut through our "Looky loo" crowd, and walked out the front door. Lance still followed him.
Natalie stood there in the backyard, wobbling side to side. She turned and looked at David's Mom.
" Fucking faggot" she said as she drank from her beer bottle. David's Mom casually walked up to Natalie.
" Get the fuck off of my property, you stupid bitch!" she grabbed Natalie by the back of the tacky orange jacket, walked her into the house through our mob, and out the front door. We the mob followed suit. Tina, Natalie's friend, ran outside. Natalie at this point was crying and on her knees in the grass, and Tina consoled her. She helped Natalie up walked her to her car, and we watched as they drove away.
We saw three figures in the front yard, all staring at the exiting car. This is when we "the mob" get the hint, finally, and go home. We murmured "thanks" and "happy birthday" with our heads down low, as we made our way to our parked cars. Before getting into mine, I glance at David, and our eyes locked. The look on his face. He shot daggers at me with his cold stare. He blamed me for his "outing". We didn't talk to each other for two weeks, not even at work.
Although his situation was extreme, it did end on a positive note. After hours of discussion, David's mother, somewhat disappointed, accepted her son. She even let Lance sleep over on that eventful night, because everyone was drained. Now, how did David and I become friends again? Well, he bought tickets for us to see The Manhattan Transfers, weeks before. I told him to take Lance, but Lance couldn't go. Because he paid for the tickets, and they would go to waste, I decided to go. We spent the whole drive going there not speaking one word. The concert was terrific. It's still the only concert I've been to. On the way back home, he popped in Erasure's Abbaesque. Nothing makes two gay hearts melt, like Abba. We found ourselves singing along, and slowly talking to each other. By the time we reached home, we were best buds again.
I don't think we'll have the same conclusion this time around. It's scary. It's become final. I have no Best Friend. This echoes in my mind.