AJRMAN
What to do
Whatever happened to romance? It seems that being gay, means endless nights of just sex with nameless partners. That does sound fine and dandy, but isn't there more to being human than that? All this "Looking for action" puts me in a melancholy mood. I want love, I want to sweep someone off their feet. I want someone to sweep me off of mine. I want to be needed in a way that hurts. I want to make someone whole. I want to hold someone and make it last. I want to be held. I want special memories, and an "Our" song. I want anniversaries, and Valentines day cards. I want a history with someone. I want someone to belong to me, and I want to belong to someone. I want a partner, who puts me first. Does this shit even exist? Especially being gay?
When I put it like that, my future seems dim. Tonight, I was hit on at work. The guy left me his number. What do I do? Do I call him? Take a frickin' chance? Or not? I just started this little journey of my life. I don't think I'm ready. But when is anyone really ready. Plus I'm just being wimpy. Because it's easier for me to complain about my life, when nothing is actually happening. When I received the number and note, my mind quickly fast forwarded to my future with this guy. I'm a girl like that, always daydreaming. It scares me to start something new. Since being single has become such a habit and easy crutch to lean on.
But I truly do want to find "IT". That mythical creature called "Love". Ah man, my life was easy, when I thought no one was attracted to me. I don't know if I will call him. I have a few days to think about it. I think at least a week. Anything beyond that, I will probably lose my nerve.